The Heart...You Can't Beat It

I had the thought this morning that life is too short not to go with the leading of your heart. If you have love, stay with it...if you find love, run with it...and if you need love, extend yourself to love others, and it will come back to you. Have a wonderful day...and listen to your heart, you can't beat it!

Just Do It!

I apologize for the near silence from my end of the keyboard. You would think I would have a ton of things to say being I am at the happiest place in my life. I have my “V”, the love of my life and a great friend. I have made several health decisions that were a long time coming. I have finally made the move to lose some weight, and eat a healthier diet. Exercise is also on the menu these days…can you imagine? One other thing that has had a hold on me for a long time has finally been tossed by the wayside. The grip cigarettes have had on my life is being addressed as we speak by the grace of God, strong determination, and the NicoDerm CQ patch. If you are struggling with smoking, try the patch! If you don’t smoke, buy a box for someone that does and tell them it’s because you love them and you want them around while. So here I am, making strides to prolong a once pathetic life (In my mind only) I’m feeling good, and like I said before never happier. I hope you are doing the things in life that make you happy. Life is short my friends, enjoy every day as a gift. Enjoy the people you call friends and love deeper the ones you love. Give yourself a break also. Look for the things that you’ve always wanted to change in your life. Go to that place you’ve always wanted to go. Be the person you know you are inside, wear your heart on your sleeve, and smile no matter what’s going on. Have a great day…Just Do It!

Alive!

Back to the real world. Two weeks of the most incredible vacation time have come to an end for me. But, those days will be with me until my last breath is taken. I’ve spent so much time soul searching, and exploring so many different emotions over the past several months. The past 2 weeks have been the culmination of those many months of struggle. Love has been solidified, and I have been brought back to emotional life. For so many years I have been just surviving. I never believed that I would love again, let alone be loved by someone so incredible. I am truly a blessed man. So why am I writing this to you? Is it just to brag about my new love, or is there something for everyone here? The real story here is that many of us have been just surviving in this life. “Dead man walking” if you will. It took someone’s love to open my eyes to the quagmire my life had become. Where are you today? Are you really living your life despite your circumstances? Even if you are living the dream, are you sharing it with others that so desperately need someone like you? Obviously, it doesn’t have to be a new love. It can be anything that makes you feel alive. Are you feeling alive today?

8 Days With An Angel

The quiet was enough to make any sane man crazy. She has left a void in this place. A place, filled with her life and spirit, now dark with only the memories of her smile and laugh. I hate this place now, well maybe not this apartment, but being alone. I was content with the solitude I have been living for years. But now, I feel alone. I hate being lonely, it seems so weak. It is nice in a way to have somebody to miss. I hope she is missing me too. I’m not totally sure where I stand with her. Well, maybe I do under all the insecurity I have when it comes to love and relationships. I’m such a jerk sometimes, she is not even gone yet, sleeping in the other room, and I am feeling the pangs of loneliness, I’m missing her terribly. What am I going to do without her here with me? Can I go back to the day before her, can I really hold it together emotionally? I’m scared to death that she’s not feeling the same things I am. I’ve laid my heart out, I’m so afraid to have it shattered into a million pieces. It’s my fault, I’ve set myself up for a huge fall. When the hell am I going to grow up, when will I stop all this bullshit I do to myself? I really hate myself sometimes!

Tomorrow is the day she leaves for real. What a mess I’ll be at the airport I’m sure. I don’t want to spoil the time I have left. I can’t believe I’m acting this way…like a High School kid with raging hormones…Maybe I'm afraid there won't be more, maybe I won't be able to win her to fall in love with me...shit!

Well, I held it together at the airport. There was so much confusion that it took my mind off the fact that I would have to let go of her hand soon. I miss that hand that always reached for mine when we were driving somewhere, or walking the streets of New York City. Even when we were hanging out at home, we couldn’t keep our hands off each other. “Hugs & Kisses” is our mantra, we say it all the time and I love it!

Reality struck hard when I got home from the airport. For eight wonderful days we were as close as a whisper, and now coming home, she was gone. I walked around the apartment hoping that she was still there. But I could feel the life and light she brought with her from Michigan had left with her, It was too overwhelming…and I cried.
I was doing better until she called me from Detroit. I loved hearing her voice and knowing that her flight had arrived safely. I hated the geographical distance I could feel through the phone line. She called again later crying a bit and she told me she missed me. I missed her even more at that moment. Veronika is in my heart, and that is where it aches from the piece she took with her. I love her, I’m in love with her, and I have been for some time now. My eight days with an Angel made it clear that I need her and that I want her by my side.

The other day she was talking to some of her family back in Ukraine via Internet Skype. She asked me if I wanted to say hello. It felt so good to be included in her family time. When I sat down she introduced me by saying, “This is my Al.” That was so sweet and kind, it made me feel so on top of the world. There were so many moments like that over the eight days we had together. Memories last a lifetime. I know more times are coming, so many more times of tenderness, caring, and love. I know I must focus on the here and now, but I will most definitely have an eye on the future. I have never ached so badly for someone before. It is bittersweet to have a long-distance relationship. It’s good to have her in my life, but it is difficult to not be able to reach out to touch her, or look across the room and see her just being her beautiful self. My eight days with this Angel named Veronika, I believe is the beginning of a wondrous story yet to be written. We will write it together, my Veronika and I.

V

She came like a breeze to heal my brokenness She breaths life into my tired soul She stirs my imagination to dream big again She asks for nothing in return but simple love She is the springtime in my years of winters She has awakened my heart from its long hibernation She is the bridge that frees me from my silent isolation She is the cool water that satisfies my deep thirst. She is the sunshine that warms my day She is the fullness of the moon in my midnight sky She brings light to my innermost darkness She is the balance in my hectic, and unforgiving world She has the natural appearance of an angel She brings humor on her wings She carries herself with the grace of royalty She is the calm within my raging storm

Hero

I had a hero growing up. His name is Jim “Catfish” Hunter. He was a pitcher for the Oakland A’s in the late ’60s and early ’70s. There was just something about him that was so cool. He was a great pitcher, but there was something more about him that I just couldn’t explain. The odd thing was, I was a diehard New York Yankees fan and he played in California. Of course, I had his pictures on my wall everywhere, to honor my boyhood idol. I would hear him interviewed on TV after a big game and he seemed like such a simple man really. Not the hero type I guess, but he was mine just the same.

Then in 1975, he joined my beloved Yankees. I could have died then and gone to Heaven, at least I felt like I was halfway there. More pictures went up on my wall. Now in Yankee pinstripes, all was perfect in my baseball world. He lead the American League that year with 23 wins, and he completed 30 games
It’s unheard of today, pitchers are lucky if they throw five innings let alone nine innings in a defeat.
I was a pitcher myself in High School, and I tried to do everything he did. I bought a Wilson A-2000 glove, I wore Puma Baseball spikes and even chewed tobacco wrapped in bubble gum because he did. I would have grown a big bushy mustache just like his if it wasn’t for the peach fuzz I had at the time. My Dad even called me “Sonfish” because I tried to be so much like “Catfish”

One day in 1978, I was reading the local Penny Saver flyer, which listed different bargains and such. As I turned the page my heart stopped beating with an advertisement for a local sports footwear store.
“GRAND OPENING! Saturday, July 15th Help Us Celebrate! Free Autographed Pictures of “Catfish” Will Be Given Away. New York Yankee Pitcher Jim “Catfish” Hunter In Person.” (I still have the Ad) It was three days away, how would I make it that long of a wait to see him? I was so excited, I don’t remember doing anything but waiting to meet “Catfish.” When the day came I got there early. My dad drove me to the Mall, and we were some of the first ones to be online. I was actually going to meet my idol, the biggest, and most important person in my life besides my dad. While I was waiting, I stared straight ahead for the first glimpse of him coming out of the back room. I felt a hand on my shoulder as someone was passing by. Oh My God! It was him, with that big smile, and a kind looks in his eyes. He actually looked like he was happy to be there. At that point I don’t know if I was breathing, he was bigger than life and standing that close to me. He sat down at a table in the store, and I couldn’t take my eyes off him.

When it was my turn to step up to the table, a thought came to my mind, “what should I call him?” As I stood in front of him he reached out his hand to me and said “Hi, I’m “Catfish” Hunter, what’s your name?” I introduced myself and told him what an honor it was to meet him. He smiled and said it was his pleasure to meet me. Can you imagine that The man that I so put on the highest pedestal ever said it was his pleasure to meet me? I brought a couple of baseballs for him to sign, and he signed a picture for me. As he was signing, I told him that I was a huge fan (a total understatement) and that I was a pitcher in High School, and to pay tribute to him, my Dad called me “Sunfish” He wore #29 on his uniform, and I wore #19 because I was not worthy to wear his # 29. He got the biggest smile on his face and laughed. I could tell he was honored and not laughing at me. He asked if my father was there. I pointed to a dad standing off to the side, allowing me to have my moment. He waved and smiled at dad.

Sometimes we meet celebrities that we look up to or maybe even admire, and are disappointed by the people they really are. I have to say that “Catfish” surpassed what I thought of him before, and I had a deeper admiration for him after I met him. He even took the time to show me how he held his fastball and curve. I was in awe and threw my pitches the same way from that day on.

“Catfish” retired on September 17, 1979, and the Yankees said Thank you and Farewell to him at Yankee Stadium. In 1987, he was inducted into Baseball’s Hall of Fame in Cooperstown, NY. I wanted to be there that day, but regrettably, I couldn’t go to pay tribute to my hero.
Less than a year later he was diagnosed with ALS, a disease named after a fellow Yankee great Lou Gehrig.
It was so difficult for me to see this man waste away from such a horrible disease. Near the end of his life, he lost all use of his arms. The hands that pitched No-Hitters, World Series games, and even reached out to shake my hand, were now just dangling at his sides, never to sign another autograph or wave to his adoring fans. “Catfish” left this world on September 9, 1999, I cried when I heard of his passing. But as long as I live, I will carry that day I met the great James Augustus “Catfish” Hunter. It is burned into my memory where he is alive, healthy, waving, and smiling that welcoming smile. Thank you, Sir, until we meet again.

Yankee Stadium

When I was a small boy my dad used to take me to Yankee Stadium. I can remember on many occasions, out of the blue he would say “Let’s go down to Yankee Stadium” I would get so excited and run around in circles until it was time to hop in the car and head to the Bronx. I was fortunate to be able to see Mickey Mantle play. Maybe it was towards the end of his career, but it was still MICKEY MANTLE! I remember he would play first base, no longer able to roam center field due to his bad knees. Bad knees or not, he would trot out to first base every half inning to standing ovations. What memories do I have of that old Stadium? Three monuments used to stand out on the playing field in those days. Miller Huggins, Babe Ruth, and Lou Gehrig, I thought were buried out there which made it hallowed ground. They were not buried there, but it turns out so many others thought the same thing. So many great memories in “The House that Ruth Built” was all spent with my dad. He passed along his love of Baseball, and his love of the Yankees that he still has today. I remember the ornate façade that adorned the very top of the stadium and made its way from end to end. The old pictures of Babe Ruth, Lou Gehrig, and other past greats used to have the façade in the background. I would think when I went to the Stadium myself, Babe Ruth used to look at that same façade. How cool is that!?! In 1976 the newly renovated Yankee Stadium opened on the footprint of the old structure. It was nice, but it was not the place I remembered “The Mick” playing in. And the façade was gone, relegated to an area above the bleacher seats from left field to right field. What a major disappointment. A part of my childhood was gone forever. I guess that’s why I never liked this new stadium the Yankees were calling home. Yes, it was Yankee Stadium, but not my Yankee Stadium. Many great things happened there, I saw Jim “Catfish” Hunter pitch there and all the amazing championships. My dad had not gone to the renovated stadium. I was fortunate to bring him last season to a game before they closed the gates for good. The last time we went to a game I was a kid, and now I am bringing him to a game. It’s amazing how things change with time. More than anything, I enjoyed watching him enjoying himself. We got there early so we could tour Monument Park. Dad was like a kid, smiling from ear to ear as he read the inscriptions and dedications to past players and various dignitaries. During the game, dad clapped to root the Yanks on and yelled CHARGE when the organist and the message board summoned us to. The whole time he was smiling, soaking up every bit of the experience. I’m so thankful to have that memory. It will be even more profound someday when life does what it does and dad is no longer here. Until then, I am grateful to have made that memory now. So now that stadium is closed, and in its shadow, a brand new stadium has been erected. I had the great fortune to tour the New Yankee Stadium on Saturday, March 21, 2009, thanks to a friend of mine Bill. Bill coached a young man named John a few years back. John now works in the Yankees ticket office. He gave us a guided tour of the new facilities. I had heard that the Yankees wanted to make the new place as much like the original stadium as possible. As I walked out to see the field, my eyes caught something beautiful. The façade is back!!! All around the top of the stadium just like I remember as a kid. What a thrill. I couldn’t help but think of Mickey, The Babe, and the Iron Man, Lou Gehrig. I was a kid again. I felt like I was transported back in time, to a very sweet time in my life. I hope I will be able to bring dad there. I need to share it with him to complete the circle. It may be a small thing to some. But the Yankees have given back a piece of my childhood. I guess we shouldn’t live in our memories, but boy it’s sweet to visit from time to time.