Contemplate

Recently I heard an interview with Roger Daltrey, lead singer of the British Rock Band The Who. He talked about technology as it pertains to sports, pointing out the horrible referee calls in the 2010 World Cup. His thought was that technology is needed to correct the blatant errors the referees inflicted that possibly cost vital games, and possibly even the cup for the American soccer team. On the other hand, he warned of the effects technology is having on our society at large. We may not truly see the effects for twenty or thirty years, but the effects will be felt. Roger opines that in these days of megabytes, gigabytes, and nanoseconds, people have forgotten how to contemplate. Everything in today’s life is so fast that we basically make quick assessments of information or events, and make nanosecond decisions. Contemplation is a good way to get our heads around an issue and truly understand it. Without contemplation, the information literally goes in one ear and out the other. Life is too short as it is to not fully understand and enjoy what’s around us. Take the test. When you click on a website and it takes more than three seconds, do you start to tap your foot and check your watch? Three seconds and we feel the whole world is passing us by. I can remember as a kid waiting for the picture tube on our television to seemingly take forever to warm up, but we were excited to see what picture would pop up. And then when we got a color TV in the late 60s, talk about anticipation…WOW! Heaven forbid if we ever have to wait at that endless red light, or in a long line at the grocery store, or stare at the bumper of a slow car ahead of us when we’re in a big hurry. We just don’t have the patience to wait for anything anymore. We used to fill our time with thoughts of the future, or what we were going to do with our friends next weekend. Families spent more time together before iPods, iPads, and endless channels of High Definition Television at our fingertips. Cashiers don’t even have to know how to make change anymore. How many times have you noticed the person at the register waiting for the change back to be displayed before delving into the tray to “count-up” your change? I guess it goes to show that the more we try to make our lives easier, the more complicated they become. Technology is an incredible thing for sure. My wife and I just purchased iPhones with a million Apps that do a million things. We never have to worry about locking the keys in the car, yep there is an App that will summon a satellite to pop the doors open. Never again will I have to wait in line to buy movie tickets, not with my trusty iPhone! Heck, I can even deposit a check without leaving the comforts of my home. With all this time I’m saving, why do I feel just as busy and tired as always? I don’t really have the answers, maybe I should take some time to contemplate for a while, and then I’ll get back to you…

50

Turning fifty has a very peculiar feel to it. Well past middle age unless you are blessed to stick around to hit the century mark, yet young enough to remember the previous years leading up to this half-century milestone. In my case anyway, synchronicity seems to be a casualty in the battle of time passage, the mind refuses to age at the same pace as the rest of the structural framework. So many times I have unwisely thought to make a time-saving jump down off an elevated surface only to have my brain remind my good-intentioned inner-child that I would most likely land on my iPhone, break my hip or something, and not be able to call for an ambulance. I think of that lady’s refrain from the commercials, “I’ve fallen and I can’t get up!” Seriously, it’s pretty funny how the mind works. It’s strange to be at an age that you can remember your parents being, and you thought they were getting pretty old. Aging is uncharted territory for us even though others have gone before. Everyone’s journey is a solo flight that we hope is filled with excitement and grace. Like anything unknown, the future has its share of anxiety and stress. But if we dwell too much on what could happen in the future, we will surely miss all that is potentially good surrounding us at the moment before us. So for my next 50 years, I want to make it a point to anticipate less and participate more in what life has to offer. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not jumping out of any perfectly good airplanes anytime soon, but within reason, I want to take some risks. I want to feel less encumbered by my fears, and perceptions, and stop listening to the unkind voices from the past that occasionally echo from a deep and dimly lit recess within my mind. I want to smile more than I do every day, and I want to recognize and seek out the people and things that make me smile. I want to love more things about my life, my country, and my world. And even though life is a continuous process of learning and growing, I want to be able to allow myself from time to time to say “You’ve made it to this point kid, use what you’ve learned so far…and go for it!” I want to play more and not worry about the consequences my muscles may pay the next day. I want to be more thankful for what I have had the privilege to experience in this life so far. I am thankful for the eyes that I have been given for which to see the world around me, whether they are through mine, or clarity revealed through the eyes of a loved one. So today I will lace up my hockey skates, or slide down an icy hill with my wife gripping our brand new super-duper sled. Tonight we go to my favorite BBQ Restaurant (which is a risk in itself for me, but worth taking) I just hope I will be fully functional and upright tomorrow…but hey, I’ll concern myself with that tomorrow!

Dealey Plaza

On January 22, 1999, I spent six hours walking every inch of Dealey Plaza in Dallas, Texas. It was a pilgrimage of sorts, for as long as I could remember, I obsessively absorbed all the information I could get my hands on about the assassination of the 35th President John Fitzgerald Kennedy.

I toured the 6th Floor Museum located in the former School Book Depository Building, as well as a ride in a replica of the Presidential Limousine through the crowded streets of Dallas. Complete with animated narration and synchronized gunshot sound effects blasting over an onboard speaker system while traveling down Elm Street, and passing the infamous Grassy-Knoll. A bit morbid I admit, but it was educational just the same. I was really amazed to see how close everything was there in the plaza, especially where several witnesses had their views along Elm Street.

I thought of Mary Moorman, armed with her Polaroid camera as I stood where she and her friend Jean Hill stood that day on the inside of Elm St. looking directly at President Kennedy with the Grassy-Knoll in the background. Her photo supposedly shows a blurry “Badge Man” standing in the bushes of the Grassy-Knoll. It’s hard to say if it is real or not, but it is interesting if, in fact, it is an actual muzzle blast puffing from the picture. I stood where Bill Newman stood with his wife and small children as the shots rang out. I could picture him forcing his family to hit the turf as total chaos unfolded around them. I stood where Orville Nix recorded his film from the grass near Main Street. And of course, I perched myself on the concrete structure where Abraham Zapruder documented history with his 8 mm Bell & Howell movie camera.

There is no question in my mind that anyone trained in firearms could have assassinated President Kennedy that day. The question is the cover-up. Too many people had to remain silent or be silenced for that matter, for the mystery to continue to this day. I believe Vice-President Lyndon Baines Johnson was involved; it was well known that he hated his “Harvard Boy” boss. He and FBI Director J. Edgar Hoover shared a mutual disdain for Bobby Kennedy. CIA Director Allen Dulles was fired by Kennedy over the “Bay of Pigs” incident. The CIA was its own autonomous entity back then that would never stand for a presidential insurrection of that magnitude. John Kennedy was known to have extra-marital affairs with “ladies” supplied in part by underworld boss Sam Giancana. Yet Attorney General Robert Kennedy continued ferociously to curtail all mob activity. The Industrial Military Complex wanted a war in Vietnam, but Kennedy was reluctant to send further troops and escalate the United States into a war in South-East Asia. Reportedly, LBJ told the Joint Chiefs of Staff in December of 1963: “…Just let me get elected, and then you can have your war…” Was everyone going to wait until 1968 when Kennedy would be term-limited out or was Kennedy an obstacle that needed to go away? LBJ certainly had the motive to remove President Kennedy, as well as all the other groups I mentioned. A note of interest was an Executive Order President Kennedy signed in the summer of 1963 that was basically putting the nails in the coffin of the Federal Reserve. Forty-Seven years after the murder of John Fitzgerald Kennedy, the Federal Reserve is alive and well.
So in conclusion, do I believe Lee Harvey Oswald acted alone? No, I don’t, he could have pulled the trigger but there were far too many people that wanted President Kennedy dead, and too many people within our government that had to sell the lone radical communist sympathizer theory to make it even somewhat palatable to the average, trusting American. The Warren Commission was put into place to comfort a grieving nation. Their mission was not to search for the truth, they actually defined the truth. The Single Bullet Theory holds about as much water as a bucket with no bottom. Wasn’t there a conflict of interest to have former (and disgraced I might add) CIA Director Allen Dulles sitting on a Commission that could potentially uncover any possible smoking guns leading to the CIA or any other government entity? Too many conflicts of information make it impossible to ever resolve this mystery or dissipate the cloud that surrounds it. The waters were deliberately stirred and muddied from John Kennedy’s last breath that November day, that they remain just as murky today.

In his Inaugural Address on January 20, 1961, President Kennedy said: “… the energy, the faith, the devotion which we bring to this endeavor will light our country and all who serve it—and the glow from that fire can truly light the world…” How ironic to have his light that briefly flickered so brightly, snuffed out in an instant by the evil cross-hairs of war.

Ukraine

This ninth-floor window is my view of this piece of the Ukraine. I look out at rundown buildings that house those displaced by Chornobyl’s nuclear reactor disaster. In the quadrangle, is what’s left of a children’s playground long neglected, reflecting the sadness felt and seen here. It is a playground for drinking parties now, and the occasional gathering of old ladies to gossip and catch up on the day's events. I watch from my high perch as their arms flail and gesture like animated robots to stress their points. This is a sad place where my wife grew up. It was once a place where children played, oblivious to the economic concerns their parents had to shoulder. I would suspect that times are even harder now with people out of work, and prices continuing to rise. As an American observing the economic situation on the ground level and not just as a tourist, I wonder how people can actually make ends meet and enjoy life at all. Shopping at local markets I was astonished to look at the prices of everyday necessities. Many things that we take for granted here in America are huge luxury items in Ukraine. The official currency of Ukraine is the Hryvnia. As a reference point, $1.00 (USD) can be converted into ₴8.00 (Ukrainian) Can you imagine having to make ₴600.00 a month in retirement payments stretch in an economy where a can of coke is ₴5.00. I was amazed to see instant coffee locked up under the glass. I couldn’t understand why until I asked my wife. She said it is a big item that people steal. I would imagine there is a lot of theft here, but I would never think that coffee would be that high on the list. This is also an alcoholics' dream world. Everywhere you turn, every street corner it seems is a kiosk where beer is available. It is difficult to ride public transportation with all the smells of alcohol and body odor that are so prevalent. You can see the hopelessness in the eyes of the people on the street as they pass by staring into empty space, and rushing to where ever it is they are going. With all the negativity that hovers over this part of Ukraine like a grey cloudy day, you would think my time there was a waste of money and time. This was my first adventure into the world outside the United States. I am so glad I went to see firsthand a culture different from my own. It has certainly given me a different perspective on life in America, and in the world in general. So many things that I had taken for granted here, like people simply engaging with those around them in public places. Here in America when you hold a door for someone, nine times out of ten people will acknowledge the gesture with a nod of the head, a smile, or even a big fat thank you. Not in Ukraine, people will bowl you over to get where they want to go, and leave to hold the door for the throngs of people that file behind like lemmings. Veronika’s family does not fit the mold of the people-at-large I have encountered. They are very warm people who welcomed me into their family with open arms. I really enjoyed being with them even though my Russian is as good as their English. In both cases, not very good I’m afraid. My poor wife worked harder than an interpreter at the United Nations to keep us all on the same page. I think she needs some time off just for herself after ten days of duty. It seems a bit ironic for such good and decent people to live amongst such hardship and hopelessness. It makes me wonder if more people in Ukraine have the same giving heart as they do, and are afraid to show any kind of character for fear of having it ripped away from them. I look forward to future trips to visit my new family halfway around the world. They are in my heart now, as is this new country my wife is from. I will be back with my eyes wide open to learn what it is for me to learn about myself, my country, and those very different from me. I said to Veronika many times on our visit that we may not be able to change a whole country, but we can certainly make a difference in one family. For now, we’ll start with ours, and then see where we will go from there. It’s exciting to see where life will take us. There is excitement in the unknown challenges that lie ahead for us in Ukraine and beyond.

Dancing in the Blue Light

My wife Veronika and I took the Metro-North train from our sleepy suburb of Chappaqua to the one-of-a-kind hustling and bustling energy of New York City. It was the ninth anniversary of the terrorist attacks on the World Trade Center, and we wanted to experience firsthand the twin beams of blue lights pointing to the Heavens, emanating from where the Twin Towers once stood. We arrived at Grand Central Station around 4:44 PM and made our way on foot to the Garment District. Veronika checked out some of the craft stores while I waited outside. I was people-watching and chomping on a fine Punch cigar. There is no place like New York City to people-watch or just take in the sites. Veronika bought a few things, and then we made our way to the subway for our trip Downtown. Arriving in Lower Manhattan, I could sense the somberness of the day. As always it was touristy, but there was a reverence of sorts in the air. Maybe it was just me allowing the feelings of 9/11 I carry every day to have a little more breathing room today. I recall some of the sights and smells from back in 2001, a few days after the collapse of the towers when I had the privilege to help out in the recovery efforts. I played a very small role, but it was a profound time for me, and the proudest I have ever felt to be an American. I will never forget that time, along with the sights, sounds, and smells of the terrible tragedy as long as I live. Veronika suggested that we walk the Brooklyn Bridge to view Lower Manhattan from across the East River. I had never walked the historic bridge, so I thought it would be interesting. To be honest, I did think about all the walking involved when we got halfway over the bridge and could see our riverside destination, the Brooklyn Bridge Park. The park seemed like it was five miles away and a mile and a half below the bridge. The trek was not as bad as I thought. In no time at all the bridge was behind us, and we were enjoying the beauty of Brooklyn’s well-maintained park. We decided to have dinner at a little romantic place near the park. We had a little time to kill until there was enough darkness to support the Ground Zero lights. The night was the perfect canvas for the beautiful Manhattan skyline, and the defiant blue rays of light piercing the darkness were magnificent. It was an awesome perspective from Brooklyn, my wife had chosen the perfect place. I was a bit weepy all day, as I am every year on this day. I even had tears in my eyes on the train into the city, recalling September 11, 2001, and trying not to anticipate the day ahead. I had seen the lights before, on many occasions in fact, but it was always from 30 miles away in my comfortable Westchester County setting far removed from the true emotion and drama. I resigned myself to wholeheartedly participate and not anticipate anything this day of remembrance would hold for me. I wanted to absorb everything, and open myself to the lessons this tragic event had to teach me about myself, and what I believe deep in my heart. As we were walking halfway back on the Brooklyn Bridge, I noticed objects floating and sparkling by the thousands in the blue columns of light. Still too far away to make out what these objects could be, we continued towards the source of light, the focal point of our journey. The closer to Ground Zero we traveled, it seemed the soaring objects grew in their numbers. I engaged a few people along the way as to what they thought these “things” could be. One man with a professional-looking camera on a tripod said he thought they were moths at first, but then retracted his statement realizing there was no way moths were that big or could be seen from the Brooklyn Bridge with the naked eye. As we approached Ground Zero, there was a crowd gathered taking pictures of the lights, and the amazing illuminated objects floating overhead. A book I read some time ago by Squire Rushnell called “When God Winks at You” came to my mind as I stared into the blue lights. The premise of the book was that God gives us what Squire calls “God Winks” from time to time just to let us know He’s here. Now I am not saying these objects were Angels or the lost souls of those that perished there nine years ago. But the very fact that they were there caused me to think of that hallowed ground differently, and even in a more heavenly-minded way. For all I know it was just sheets of paper floating around in the wind currents, illuminated by the brilliant lights, that will be picked up for trash when their flight has ended. I choose to see more to it, to see something bigger at work, or maybe even someone. What I do know for sure, it was breathtaking to see and experience firsthand. Maybe that’s what a “God Wink” is all about. An experience that causes us to see something deeper, with more clarity, and it allows us to stand in awe of something beautiful. I still don’t know for sure what was in the lights that night. I cherish the excitement I felt watching the beauty of it unfold amid a painful and tragic reminder. Maybe every cloud does have a silver lining, or maybe sometimes the lining is a beautiful blue.

The Captain, The Voice, & The Boss

Recently, I watched the episode of The Discovery Channel “Deadliest Catch” where Captain Phil Harris of the Fishing Vessel Cornelia Marie succumbed to a massive stroke. I cried my eyes out. There was so much humanity being played out in what was supposed to be just another one of those reality shows. It was real alright. I did not know this man personally, but I watched the show pretty regularly, following the craziness that comes with a bunch of tough men risking their very lives to haul in hundreds of thousands of Opilio crab native to the unforgiving, and frigid waters of the Bering Sea. The paycheck is pretty hefty but is it worth risking your life. Obviously to these men it is. Phil Harris was a foul-mouthed Sea Captain that took the lives and safety of his crew very seriously. His sons Jake and Josh were among the crew of the Cornelia Marie. He said on many occasions how grateful he was to spend the time with his sons doing what he loved. I admired his deep love for his sons, and the passion for life Phil possessed. Captain Phil Harris set sail for the last time on February 9, 2010, at the age of 53. Recently we lost two very important people to many of us that have followed Baseball all our lives, especially Yankee Baseball. Bob Sheppard was the Yankee Stadium Public Address Announcer for 56 years. He had earned the nickname “The Voice of God” for his clear and concise delivery, and perfect pronunciation of some of the most difficult of names in the game. His voice is the only voice many of us remember from our childhood, while in awe of “The House that Ruth Built”. That voice in many ways was more important than the team that took the field. That voice welcomed everyone before the game, kept us informed throughout the game, and bid us a safe ride home at the end of the game. You could hear the history in that voice, the echoed voice that announced players like Joe DiMaggio, Mickey Mantle, Derek Jeter, and everyone in between. On July 11, 2010, at the age of 99, The Voice fell silent. George M. Steinbrenner III became the New York Yankees Principal Owner in 1973. He took the baseball world by storm with his Cleveland shipbuilding style work ethic that was loved by some and hated by others. As hard as he was, there was a very soft side to him that we were able to see from time to time. Ask former players like Dwight Gooden and Darryl Strawberry what kind of man George Steinbrenner was. He invested plenty of money in these two men that had the potential to be great and were at times. But he would probably never see the full return of his investment. But he believed in them like a father who had an investment of love for his sons. Other stories of The Boss’s charitable nature have come to light since his passing on July 13, 2010, nine days after his 80th Birthday. He was a well-respected Baseball man around the league. Kind words came from all over the Baseball world at his passing, a testament to his commitment to excellence on and off the field. Like us, none of these men were perfect. Cracks and faults riddled their celebrated lives. Some are seen by the public’s eyes, others hidden and controlled in the deep recesses of their souls. Maybe that’s why we follow celebrities, we see a bit of ourselves in them, or wish we could do what they do. Do we mourn their passing because of its reminder of our own mortality? Or maybe the people we allow to be celebrities in our life take a piece out of us when they go. Maybe that is what the human experience is all about, seeing ourselves in each other, warts and all, and respecting who we are as well as respecting others for who and what they are. Obviously, there is a connection to those we’ve never met. They have touched us somehow, and we are reminded that in some way there is a common connection that binds us. We see the greatness as well as the failures and weakness that are all part of human potential and experience. To be “The Captain” of your own life. Navigate life’s waters with your eyes wide open, mindful of the dangers but enjoying the ride wherever the waters may take you. Use “The Voice” to tell those around you how much you care and how much they mean to you. Be “The Boss“, call the shots, but don’t ever forget to listen to your heart. Being “The Boss” doesn’t mean that every decision has to be calculated or practical. Take some risks now and then. At the end of your days, you might just be glad you did.

A Year Down The Road

A year down the road of life together you and me.
So many things to experience and left for us to see
I can’t believe how quickly the time has really passed
Or how happy and blessed I am at last.

I am grateful for the laughter and even the tears
It means we are together and will be for years
I feel I have known you much longer than it seems
For you truly have been the girl of all my dreams

So today I say with conviction and feeling
You have brought joy, and love that sets my heart reeling
And now is a milestone in our incredible life
You are my lover, my best friend, my beautiful wife