You Might Recall

“My hopes were as the leaves upon the water, just sunk in the night.” ‡ Can you picture beautiful fall leaves gently floating atop a crystal clear lake? Ironically, the very element keeping them afloat will eventually hasten their journey below the surface. That picture reminds me of the times in my life when I thought I was standing solidly on a firm foundation. Only now in retrospect, do the realize that the ground I was traveling was the proverbial sinking sand. Many relationships come to mind, especially my first marriage. The very thing that seemed good and right in my life, was sucking the very life force out of me. I knew very early on that it was a caustic relationship but in the name of marriage, I kept trying to add bags of sand so it wouldn’t sink. This only added to the ever-present quicksand that lies beneath, just below the surface. Bags and bags of sand were added to shore up and extend the life of a relationship that was sadly on life-support. I was told a long time ago by a baseball coach that you should always do everything you can and beyond, in a situation to stave off the guilt and regrets that will inevitably come down the road. I didn’t want to be sitting on a barstool one day, wondering if I had done everything humanly possible to save my marriage. Humanly is the operative word here. I did everything I could humanly do at the time, and over time, I came to terms with the divorce. None of us like to fail, and divorce is just that, a miserable failure. We pledge our devotion and make our vows before God and man, and with everything, within us, we intend to keep our commitment. When it all crumbles to the ground, we feel we lied and are not capable of keeping a promise, even to ourselves. Well three years later, and enjoying the bonding of two hearts once again. I feel as though the tables have turned. I feel like a leaf that is still firmly attached to the tree. It is free to catch water on its surface and use it to nourish itself and the tree. No longer is there the loneliness of riding the waves of uncertainty, but the rain is now harnessed to cleanse and bring life to the leaf. Now, when the rains come, they cause the roots to dig deeper into the soil. The tree is steady, planted firmly where none of life’s harsh elements can bring it to ruin. There is a peace that comes with a firm foundation, and a hope that grows deep within my tree of life. ‡ You Might Recall Ó 1982 Gelring Ltd.

Goodnight And Farewell

The darkness covers the landscape like a thick blanket across a bed of fresh, crisp linen. As I stand outside my apartment gazing skyward, through the outline of the barren trees the stars begin to wink at me to bid goodnight and farewell. Such peace overtakes my body, I feel at rest and ready to head off to bed. But suddenly, my mind begins to race with a million thoughts a minute. Thoughts of people with struggles much greater than mine. My struggle tonight it seems will be sleep itself as many faces run through my mind like a time-lapsed movie, morphing themselves to clear consciousness Physically I am tired and ready, but my mind will not allow itself to shut down for the night. I think of my sister struggling in her fight for life and wholeness. The disease that is invading her body, and the long road she faces to find wellness. I think of my Mom and Dad, worrying about my sister and all of us kids. I think of my brothers, with their own struggles and restless thoughts. I think of those I know struggling to make ends meet in these tough economic times. I think of those that worry for their uniformed loved ones in harm's way in faraway lands. I think of those that might read this that are struggling with some of life’s heavy burdens. I hope the solutions will find their way to you soon. I even think a selfish thought. If I can’t sleep tonight, how will I feel in the early morning as I rise to greet the day and ready myself for work? Why do I care so much? Why do I let so many things occupy my thoughts? I guess I must come to grips with the fact that I am a feeling human being, sensitive to my surroundings and to those I love and care about. It is a burden sometimes to care, but I must embrace it, it is who I am. It will eat me alive if I don’t, and cause too many sleepless nights if I run from it. Maybe that is the key, to accept the burdens we have before us and not say “Why me?” Maybe, just maybe for me, I should be saying “Why not me?” I am feeling peace from within now. My brain has allowed my hand to speak for it, to clear the clutter, to pick up the pen, and translate its burdens on paper to see with honest and true clarity. I am feeling at ease now. Relaxed and truly peaceful. At last, I can now return to the stars offering goodnight and farewell.

Another Day To Seek And Wonder

Dawn brings the excitement of a brand new day Cool crisp air felt against my skin The smell of coffee brewing fills my senses Another day to seek and wonder Overnight stars still in the sky Will give way to daylights soon arrival The birds chirping to say good morning Another day to seek and wonder Breakfast ends my morning hunger Coffee hot warming my mortal coil My thoughts go drifting to distant places Another day to seek and wonder The Autumn leaves lay in their place Fell to the ground as I slumbered Baron trees in their lifeless glory Another day to seek and wonder