First Snow

The first snow to actually take temporary residence on the ground. It sure makes for a beautiful morning. Snow-covered branches wind-dancing with a backdrop of a cloudless azure blue sky. As I deeply draw in the cool, fresh air, I feel my lungs expanding to capacity, and satisfying the oxygen levels in my bloodstream. The brilliant sunlight begins to melt the snow off the branches of the bare and glistening trees. It sounds like rain hitting the ground in a steady rhythm of mini percussive explosions. What a wonderful way to start the day, senses alive and feeling the urge to run full throttle into the day. There is so much beauty to gaze, at as the Earth begins its winter hibernation. Have I ever really noticed it before, or am I seeing it all with new eyes? Is it just something that comes with the journey towards 50, or perhaps it was always there within me, and I just needed to tap into it? Whatever the case, I am enjoying my surroundings speaking to me in such profound ways, and with such clarity. Never have I felt so alive before, so keenly aware of life’s lessons. They are there for us to absorb if we will only take the time to truly see with eyes wide and open. Enjoy the chill, the snow-covered hills, they are there for us…to recharge and renew our very souls.

You Might Recall

“My hopes were as the leaves upon the water, just sunk in the night.” ‡ Can you picture beautiful fall leaves gently floating atop a crystal clear lake? Ironically, the very element keeping them afloat will eventually hasten their journey below the surface. That picture reminds me of the times in my life when I thought I was standing solidly on a firm foundation. Only now in retrospect, do the realize that the ground I was traveling was the proverbial sinking sand. Many relationships come to mind, especially my first marriage. The very thing that seemed good and right in my life, was sucking the very life force out of me. I knew very early on that it was a caustic relationship but in the name of marriage, I kept trying to add bags of sand so it wouldn’t sink. This only added to the ever-present quicksand that lies beneath, just below the surface. Bags and bags of sand were added to shore up and extend the life of a relationship that was sadly on life-support. I was told a long time ago by a baseball coach that you should always do everything you can and beyond, in a situation to stave off the guilt and regrets that will inevitably come down the road. I didn’t want to be sitting on a barstool one day, wondering if I had done everything humanly possible to save my marriage. Humanly is the operative word here. I did everything I could humanly do at the time, and over time, I came to terms with the divorce. None of us like to fail, and divorce is just that, a miserable failure. We pledge our devotion and make our vows before God and man, and with everything, within us, we intend to keep our commitment. When it all crumbles to the ground, we feel we lied and are not capable of keeping a promise, even to ourselves. Well three years later, and enjoying the bonding of two hearts once again. I feel as though the tables have turned. I feel like a leaf that is still firmly attached to the tree. It is free to catch water on its surface and use it to nourish itself and the tree. No longer is there the loneliness of riding the waves of uncertainty, but the rain is now harnessed to cleanse and bring life to the leaf. Now, when the rains come, they cause the roots to dig deeper into the soil. The tree is steady, planted firmly where none of life’s harsh elements can bring it to ruin. There is a peace that comes with a firm foundation, and a hope that grows deep within my tree of life. ‡ You Might Recall Ó 1982 Gelring Ltd.

Goodnight And Farewell

The darkness covers the landscape like a thick blanket across a bed of fresh, crisp linen. As I stand outside my apartment gazing skyward, through the outline of the barren trees the stars begin to wink at me to bid goodnight and farewell. Such peace overtakes my body, I feel at rest and ready to head off to bed. But suddenly, my mind begins to race with a million thoughts a minute. Thoughts of people with struggles much greater than mine. My struggle tonight it seems will be sleep itself as many faces run through my mind like a time-lapsed movie, morphing themselves to clear consciousness Physically I am tired and ready, but my mind will not allow itself to shut down for the night. I think of my sister struggling in her fight for life and wholeness. The disease that is invading her body, and the long road she faces to find wellness. I think of my Mom and Dad, worrying about my sister and all of us kids. I think of my brothers, with their own struggles and restless thoughts. I think of those I know struggling to make ends meet in these tough economic times. I think of those that worry for their uniformed loved ones in harm's way in faraway lands. I think of those that might read this that are struggling with some of life’s heavy burdens. I hope the solutions will find their way to you soon. I even think a selfish thought. If I can’t sleep tonight, how will I feel in the early morning as I rise to greet the day and ready myself for work? Why do I care so much? Why do I let so many things occupy my thoughts? I guess I must come to grips with the fact that I am a feeling human being, sensitive to my surroundings and to those I love and care about. It is a burden sometimes to care, but I must embrace it, it is who I am. It will eat me alive if I don’t, and cause too many sleepless nights if I run from it. Maybe that is the key, to accept the burdens we have before us and not say “Why me?” Maybe, just maybe for me, I should be saying “Why not me?” I am feeling peace from within now. My brain has allowed my hand to speak for it, to clear the clutter, to pick up the pen, and translate its burdens on paper to see with honest and true clarity. I am feeling at ease now. Relaxed and truly peaceful. At last, I can now return to the stars offering goodnight and farewell.

Another Day To Seek And Wonder

Dawn brings the excitement of a brand new day Cool crisp air felt against my skin The smell of coffee brewing fills my senses Another day to seek and wonder Overnight stars still in the sky Will give way to daylights soon arrival The birds chirping to say good morning Another day to seek and wonder Breakfast ends my morning hunger Coffee hot warming my mortal coil My thoughts go drifting to distant places Another day to seek and wonder The Autumn leaves lay in their place Fell to the ground as I slumbered Baron trees in their lifeless glory Another day to seek and wonder

People, Places, and Things

People, places, and things, running through my mind today. So many people I think about daily, so many places I’ve been to or want to see. So many things I want, or already possess. I wish I could gather everyone together in one place, to visit, catch up or just be together. Places of my past that hurt to think about, places I want to heal, and experience with different eyes. Places in my future, I want to run to and experience now what they hold for me down the road. Things from my childhood I cherish today and willingly carry into my tomorrow. People, places, and things act as mile markers for our lives. As people from our past leave, the road ahead seems somewhat uncertain unless the marker they left for us is clear and precise. The places are the experiences we’ve had along the way that cause us to broaden our vision and enable us to remain steadfast in our pursuit of a new horizon. The things are what we have taken with us to illuminate even the darkest places. People come and go, and regardless of the length of their stay, the footprints they leave remain long after the waves have crashed the shoreline to saturate the sand. Places in our minds, where we run for solace, beckon us to come amid life’s clutter. The things are the nuggets of gold we carry in the pocket of our heart, whose value increases with time. We all have people, places, and things that make us who we are. But have you ever stopped to entertain the thought, that you are an important person, that you have created a safe place for others, and that you hold the things in your heart that others need and desire? It’s a very simple yet profound dynamic, that we see the worth of others with clarity, and we struggle to see with that same clarity our worth to others. It’s not egocentric to assume your place in the lives of others, it’s essential. Be that person, in that Place, willing to offer all Things all the time.

My Big Sister

The other day I found out that my big sister has cancer. We don’t know much in the way of a prognosis at this time, but we will learn more after her Oncologist visit next week in Reno, Nevada. It seems so cruel and unethical (to me) for a Nurse Practioner to give that kind of news over the phone. But then again, maybe it beats waiting even another day to hear your biopsy results. I can only imagine what was going through her mind as she was told the news. Not long ago, cancer was a death sentence with no hope. I know for a fact after seeing my dad and brother go through cancer treatments, great medical strides have been made in the area of oncology. She has Endometrial cancer or cancer of the uterus. Endometrial is not a word that ever vibrated my vocal cords before, but I’m sure in time it will be a frequently used word in my lexis. Like I told her on the phone the other night, this is a dark time right now, devoid of any real hard facts or a game plan. In due time, everything will reveal itself in the light of truth and information. The fear will give way to understanding, and understanding will usher in the determination to battle this foe. My sister is tough, a fighter, and a survivor. Right now she doesn’t feel that way through the tears, but even the strongest warriors have tears. Fear comes from that which is unknown, security comes through knowledge and the revelation of truth. There is no shame in tears, no condemnation for the hopeless thoughts that initially come with news of this magnitude. But I know in time, this will be a valuable and precious time for her to grow as a person, a woman, and as a member of a family that loves her dearly. We Love You, Dee!

Sports Fan

It sure was tough rolling out of bed at 4:45 Tuesday morning. Especially after a long Columbus Day weekend. Staying up late for Monday Night Football didn’t help either. But it was well worth the lack of sleep seeing my beloved Miami Dolphins win. Not that I’m such a “Big” sports fan, but I do love my teams. Monday night was a good night for me sports-wise. The New York Rangers won 7-2 over the Toronto Maple Leafs, and of course, my Dolphins beat the New York Jets 31-27 in the upset of the year. The Yankees are having a great season, but I have to say that baseball has had its day with me. I do watch it, but only when the Yanks are on, and there is nothing better to do. Rangers Hockey and Dolphins Football have priority. I have been known in the past to plan life’s events around the games. But now I don’t think my wife would understand that for one minute and rightly so! Many have asked me why I am a Miami Dolphins fan. I was born at Memorial Hospital in Miami, Florida so it was natural when the Dolphins came to the AFL in 1966 that I would root for them. Plus the fact, that my Dad was glued to the television on Sunday afternoons watching the Dolphins play. I loved those times watching with him, and I even learned my present-day style of yelling at the referees through the TV from him. I always think of him when I watch and wonder if he is staying up late to watch, or if the game is on in Virginia. Sometimes I call him to see if he is watching too. Sometimes I forget. I became a New York Rangers fan in 1972, the year I moved from Katonah to Chappaqua, New York. I met a girl named Laurel at my bus stop. She always talked about the Rangers and made hockey sound so exciting. I always thought Hockey was some “Communist Sport”, and never paid it much attention. Back in those days, we didn’t have Cable TV on Hog Hill Road. We lived too far off the main road, where the cable was just making its way to the area. Laurel’s family had Cable, and she would occasionally invite me over to watch games. I think at first I was more amazed at how clear the picture was, as opposed to the fuzzy picture we got at home from the antenna received broadcasts. After a while I started really getting into the games, listening to the radio and dancing around my room when the Rangers would score a goal. I still do a bit of dancing when they score, but I would say it is much more subdued. So now I have DIRECTV, I can watch every game. They even rebroadcast the games again if I miss the live game. What a great thing…or is it? Maybe too much time and money are spent on sports. That was the thing that got me about baseball. It’s a kid’s game for crying out loud! We grew up playing ball in an empty lot where we had to run around the tall grass to flatten it down enough so we could see each other. Hopefully, we would catch every fly ball so we would not lose the ball in that sea of green. It would take forever to find it, if at all. If our radar was not working that day, we would have to head home. More than likely it was the only ball we had. I always felt bad leaving the ball behind. I thought it would get lonely out there on its own. Of course, we would always find another ball in the high grass that we lost a few days ago, it would weigh 50 pounds from all the water it retained while it was hiding from us. After a few days in the hot summer sun and it was dry enough, and not as slippery for our small hands to use in one of our big games. Today you watch a Major League game and every pitch that the ball touches the ground the Umpire throws it out of play. We would have killed to have a dry ball and only a speck of dirt on it. We would play in the light of the nearby street lights along Anderson Road. Katonah, New York is where I learned to play baseball. I can remember like it was yesterday, my dad throwing “high pops” at my best friend Brucie and me. Neither one of us could catch to save our lives. Brucie caught more than one on the top of the head, while it seemed I favored to let the ball hit my forearm or wrist ‘til my hand went numb. We eventually got the hang of using our gloves to catch and went on to be pretty good ballplayers. A few years later, Brucie and I were asked to play on an All-Star Team with the “Older Boys”. I was so proud of Brucie and me, as we played together on that diamond. In our minds, it was our moment playing a World Series Game at Yankee Stadium. Today grown men are paid millions of dollars to play a kid's game. We played for the love of the game. Some in the majors still do. Derek Jeter is a great ambassador for the game with his enthusiasm and skill. He remembers Joe DiMaggio’s advice that there are kids out there seeing him play for the first time, so play with the enthusiasm of your first game, every game. And he does. It's guys like him that give the game that old-time appeal. Hopefully, there is more of his brand of ballplayer coming down the pike, or sadly America will lose its favorite pastime to corporate greed, and other distractions. So am I a sports fan...probably not. Maybe it’s just the nostalgia of it all. I guess for me watching my team brings back a bit of the innocence of my childhood. Simpler days of sitting in the living room with my dad, or the pure adrenalin rush as Rangers radio man Marv Albert’s voice raised an octave just before he uttered the sweetest words “He shoots…he scores!.” I guess I love the seamless tradition of sports, at least with my teams. The Dolphins, Rangers, and Yankees have changed their uniforms very little if any over the years, and I like that. A constant, lineal reminder of a time long ago that eases us ever so gently into the future. So maybe I am a sports fan, it’s not such a bad thing after all.

Suburbia and Beyond

Monday morning is a quiet time just to sit and think about what I am feeling today. I dread the fact that it is only Monday, and the weekend flew by in what seems the blink of an eye. Veronika and I took a trip to Brooklyn, New York on Sunday to just relax a bit on the boardwalk, and take some of the sights. Brighton Beach is such an interesting place with all its Russian culture, and beautiful architecture. It is always a challenge to find parking, but I guess that is part of the allure. I live in the quiet suburb of Chappaqua, New York where life is somewhat subdued and uneventful. I enjoy being out of my element from time to time. It stretches me beyond my comfort zone and forces me to live in the moment. Back in Chappaqua, life is pretty much the routine of work, sleep, and eating. It can become monotonous, so it’s wonderful to experience other places and cultures to stimulate the mind. Since marrying Veronika last May, I have noticed my transformation from the cocoon of bachelorhood to life as a somewhat culturally aware married man. We have visited museums, zoos, and exhibits, and spent time in Times Square just people-watching. We have been to “Ground Zero” together and walked the streets of Greenwich Village. We even stood outside “Carrie Bradshaw’s” apartment in the West Village. The Norman Rockwell Museum in Stockbridge, Massachusetts was a fun little jaunt into small-town New England. I had forgotten that there is a whole other world out there, outside my protective bubble. So much to see and experience right in my own backyard. It’s interesting to think that people have traveled halfway across the globe to experience the places that are within my reach. I owe the cultural awakening to my wife. I love experiencing these places with her and observing through her eyes. Like the time she stumbled upon one of Van Gogh’s self-portraits for the first time, she stopped and turned away as she was not ready to see such a masterpiece, and prepared herself for the moment So many places around us that we should experience, but because we are always looking beyond our immediate field of view, we step over the wonderful experiences right before us. If there is any place you’ve ever wanted to go, even the biggest tourist traps, I encourage you to go. Maybe you’ve never seen the “World’s Largest Twine Ball” in Darwin, Minnesota, or The Grand Canyon National Park in Williams, Arizona, Mount Rushmore in Rapid City, South Dakota, Washington, DC, or even local historical sites, find some time to visit. Stretch yourself beyond your daily living, you will feel profoundly connected, and you will become a better person for it!

Fall Apples

A rainy Sunday morning, beautiful in so many ways. It is a day of rest reinforced by the rain halting most outdoor activities. Some of the maple trees in the area have begun the slightest hints of changing their color. With the cooler temperatures that come with fall, it’s nice to wear that fleece jacket that has been hanging in the closet all spring and summer. I can’t wait for all the colors to change, the signal that the winter snows are just around the corner. The Holidays have special meaning this year, opportunities for cherished memories and traditions with my wife Veronika, sharing and celebrating them together for the first time. We went apple picking the other day in the cool crisp air. It was such a walk in the past for me. Outhouse Orchards in North Salem, New York was more of an event than it was just a place to buy some apples. They had hayrides and BBQ pits with succulent turkey legs for sale. Funnel cakes, fresh doughnuts, and little kids running around wide-eyed through an acre of pumpkins. That’s how I remember it when I was a kid. Life was so much simpler when I thought everything was free, not having a clue that Mom & Dad paid for everything. Even now, paying $20.00 for a bag of apples seems like such a bargain for a walk in the past. I guess I’m just a country boy at heart. Longing for the simpler days when we were happy with what little we had. I’m thankful to my parents that they never just gave me everything I had. If I wanted something, I had to earn it. I remember the first car I bought, a 1970 Chevy Impala. I had to make the money myself and shell out the $300.00 for it. I appreciated it, it was mine. There’s a lot to be said for earning what you have. Too many today feel entitled to whatever they want, and in that mindset forget the fact that someone had to earn what they got for free. You see, a rainy Sunday can give me too much time to think about things as well. Sometimes I think that the biggest problem living in the present is having the history of the past. Remembering how things used to be can sicken me when I see what’s going on around me. Don’t get me wrong, we have made great strides as a people in so many ways. We do live in exciting times for sure, but we all have to admit that they are not simpler times. But that’s life as they say, and I am a firm believer in the saying, “You get what you put into it.” I hope you have plenty of input in your life today, and maybe along the way you can take just a little time to pick some apples.

Freedom

“Freedom is never more than one generation away from extinction. We didn't pass it to our children in the bloodstream. It must be fought for, protected, and handed on for them to do the same.” Ronald Reagan Mentions the word freedom to ten people, and I guarantee you will receive ten very different definitions. In Iraq, it might simply be the historical first vote in a free election. From November 2004 to January 2005, the Ukrainian “Orange Revolution” brought the people to the streets of their nation's Capital of Kyiv to peacefully demonstrate their support for Viktor Yushchenko. To those in Dar Fur, freedom may be a day without the genocide that plagues their land. There are so many more places around the world that experience too little freedom compared to what we are blessed with here. We don’t even realize the freedoms we have until there is the slightest hint that they may be challenged or taken away. We have always enjoyed freedom here. We are free to jump in our automobiles and drive from ocean to ocean, or border to border without the fear of being stopped by the police and forced to show our papers at random stops along the way. Our Constitution guarantees us so many rights and freedoms that other parts around the globe can only dream of. We can go to places like Sam’s Club, COSTCO, and BJ’s, and fill our carts with everything from 100’ flat screen plasma TVs, to five-gallon pails of fruit salad. We can buy pure bottled water in excess, while others have resolved themselves to drinking from sewage-tainted mud holes. We may have distanced our thoughts from the people around the world rummaging through garbage piles just for the hope of the slightest morsel of food. Unfortunately, that does exist. Am I trying to put us all on a major guilt trip, absolutely not! We should never feel guilty for what we have been given, or what we have worked so hard for. It is the “American Dream” to be and achieve anything our abilities will allow. It is however the condition of our heart that is the important barometer. If we feel the tug in our hearts to help others around the world, there are good charities we can donate to. There are local organizations we can give our time to as well. But do it out of compassion, never out of guilt. The great freedom we have as Americans is the freedom to give. Time and money may be tough for us at times, but we can always give of ourselves. It may be a hello and a smile to brighten the day of someone we encounter that is obviously having “One of those days.” We even have the freedom to be apathetic if we choose. We don’t have to vote or make a difference in our own “backyard“if that’s our choice. Just keep in mind, that people are dying for the rights and freedoms we have. Enjoy them, and be thankful you have them…but please don’t waste them.

Thankful

I am thankful I have close people that care I am thankful I have plenty of love to share I am thankful I have you as my friend I am thankful I have a soul to mend I am thankful I have a nice place to live I am thankful I have some time to give I am thankful I have few occasions to cry I am thankful I have the curiosity to wonder why I am thankful I have my beautiful wife I am thankful I have a wonderful life I am thankful I have plenty of food to eat I am thankful I have still more people to meet I am thankful I have a few bucks in the bank I am thankful I dare to always be frank I am thankful I have so many things to do I am thankful I have good friends like you

September 11, 2001

Will any of us ever forget where we were that day in September? I could try to write something to capture the horrors and sadness we all felt eight years ago today, but I most certainly would fall short and not do it any justice. It saddens me that so many Americans have forgotten the struggle of emotions we all wrestled with as a result of the worst terror attacks on American soil. I know we have to move on, life happens and we go forward. But I feel certain events in human history shape us and make us who we are as people, and as citizens. I am different because of 9/11, I am not the same man I was on 9/10. I no longer take life for granted, nor the people that love and surround me. Fortunately, I did not lose anyone that I know and love that day. But I did lose fellow Americans and fellow human beings. Before 9/11, I gave little if any thought to the struggles and losses of others. I was just going through life, enjoying my freedom. It became so clear to me that day, that we are all connected by common beliefs, common space, love, and a common pursuit of happiness. In the blink of an eye it can all change, and for the victims and their families…it did. We take for granted the choices we have in this life. As mundane as they may seem sometimes, we are still free to choose. I think of those trapped in the towers nearly every day. Left with only two choices, both leading to their horrific deaths. I think what freaks me out more than anything, is the thought of coming down to the end of life’s road and there is no fork, no way out, no chance of survival. We dare not forget that day, the emotion, the compassion we felt for those fighting for their lives, and for the brave souls thinking only of those they came to save. Or the passengers of United Flight 93 that made the choice to fight back, and attempt to take back their plane heading most certainly to our nation's capital. Maybe there is something special that happens to people at that moment when their only choice is to survive. Maybe it’s instinct pulled from deep within heroes like Todd Beamer, who said “Let’s Roll”, and they did. I wonder if the heroes of 9/11 were just ordinary people, like you and me. When they answered the call, the odds were stacked against them, but they found it within themselves to rise to the occasion with heroic actions. Let’s hope that we will never have to face such extreme decisions in our lives. Everything being relative in life, we face our own struggles every day. They may pale in comparison to the life and death decisions the heroes of 9/11 had to make, but we can take on Todd Beamer's attitude and tell ourselves to keep pushing towards the mark, and to take on his mantra, “Let’s Roll”.

Alvee

I had a little friend for the last month or so that I named Aleve. Alves was a chipmunk that would run atop our old stone wall to eat peanuts out of my hand. For the last week or so I haven’t seen any sign of him. I fear he may have fallen victim to one of the stray cats that roam the neighborhood. I can’t help but feel somewhat responsible if he is gone. Maybe I caused him to let his guard down a little too much when I gained his trust. I really miss that little guy. The past few days have caused me to think even beyond my little friend, to step back and reflect on life in general. I would watch him take the peanuts I gave him, stuffing them into his cheeks, and run like lightning back to his underground storehouse. It was so funny to watch him squeeze into his ground hole with his cheeks puffed out beyond his body. Sometimes he would have his butt up in the air as he struggled to stuff himself down the hole. I must have given that little rascal at least four pounds of peanuts to store for the winter. Who knows what other kinds of nuts and things he found while foraging around the property. Every day he would tirelessly gather those nuts to save for another day. I fear that day will never come for him. I guess we are a lot like my friend the chipmunk, gathering and running every day of our lives to save a little time down the road. Maybe it will come to pass for us…and maybe it won’t. It’s not maudlin or macabre, it’s just life. We don’t know when the time will stop for us, or when the winter winds will blow. So while we’re out there gathering and saving, let’s have some fun and enjoy what we have in the here and now.

Storms

Last night the lightning flashed and the thunder shook the house to its very foundation. The lights flickered at one point, I noticed the alarm clock flashing when I went to bed at ten. A summer thunderstorm like the ones when I was a kid. At least now I don’t hide under the covers, I welcome the energy and the excitement. It amazes me how as a child I felt so helpless and so out of control during a storm. Perhaps it was because I had not experienced enough of life’s storms to that point, and was unaware if I would come through the other side unscathed or not. Now all these years later, the fear is gone. Is it because so times in my life since then I have walked through the fire without even the hint of smoke on my clothing? Or is it just the realization that some things are totally out of my control. Amid all the darkness I have learned that there is always light up ahead, far away as it may seem sometimes, it lights my way, brings me needed comfort, and the strength to continue on the journey. Sometimes we need the storms to show us just what we are made of, or to see how far we’ve come. I call them “mile markers.” We all need them to give us a sense of just where we are on the road of life. When I was younger, I was famous for not using a roadmap, always getting lost, and hating to stop to get directions. Now, I print out Mapquest and have been known to borrow a friend's GPS to get me where I’m going. Is it maturity, or just the fact that I got tired of getting lost? I’ve also had the opportunity to swallow my pride while pulling into a service station for a little navigational assistance. It’s not fun to get lost or even while you're cruising down the right road, not knowing how far you may be from your destination. Read the signs, look for that light on that dark highway…it’s just ahead, you’ll see! The storms only last for a little while, learn from them, and enjoy them. The lessons learned will be mightier than any lightning bolt, and they will resound in your soul louder than any thunderclap. And who knows, you may even find once you’ve reached the end of the journey, you actually enjoyed the ride.

Put Down The Potatoes

The morning is quiet with only the sound of the air conditioner humming away. I am sitting here anticipating the day ahead. Wondering where the day will take me, both emotionally and physically. There is a saying; “Don’t anticipate…participate.” Do I follow that today, or do I try to figure out every last detail to somehow prepare myself for what’s ahead? Obviously, life does what it does and we can never really be prepared for what lies in store for us at any given moment let alone hours, days, or weeks. Plus, it’s way too exhausting to plan for everything…don’t you think? Maybe just for today, I will roll with whatever comes my way. Just take life as it comes, both at work and in real life. But how do I do that, how do I shut down the mechanism inside of me that wants to be in control? Why is the concept of letting go so intimidating to so many of us? I guess it all boils down to faith. Faith in those around us, God, and maybe the hardest of them all, ourselves. Maybe it’s just a trust issue? They say: “Those that don’t trust can’t be trusted” It’s an interesting phrase but I’m not sure I believe it wholeheartedly. Hopefully, we base our core beliefs on our experiences, and truth, and not just on the roller coaster of emotion we can experience in this life. Unfortunately, people can give us good reason not to have faith in them because of their moral behavior, or lack of moral principles. I have found that we as humans have all failed, we are all flawed. It is our curse in the sense that we are human, but it is not a license for bad and destructive behavior. We can all improve ourselves, regardless of age, it’s never too late. So right now for me on the journey of life, I am struggling to let go. It sounds so simple, just open your hand and let go of the things you are holding onto so tightly. If it falls and breaks…get a new one. If it falls and lands at your feet, it was meant to be there all along, without your fingerprints all over it. I think of the man that was carrying a 50-pound sack of potatoes into town to sell at the market. The town was five miles away but he was determined to sell those potatoes to provide for his family. About a mile into his journey, a man with a pickup truck stopped and offered him a ride. He gladly accepted and jumped on the back of the truck shouldering his sack of potatoes. For the rest of the ride into town, he had that 50-pound sack over his shoulder. Because the potatoes were so important he just couldn’t let go. Even for the rest of the four miles, he wouldn’t allow himself to let go of his potatoes and rest. So let’s put down the potatoes every now and then. And maybe, just maybe, we can eat some fries along the way.

The Old Stone Wall

The old stone wall still stands after years of neglect and weather beating. Made by the hands of a skilled mason to retain the property, and bring beauty to an awkward landscape. Who really knows what its real purpose was back when it was made. Maybe sheep were contained there, or goats. Maybe my imagination is too fertile and it was just built simply for aesthetics. I’m sure it was beautiful on its day. Today it has a different kind of beauty. The moss and overgrowth tell the story of age, and for some reason cause me to wonder about it on an almost daily basis. Maybe I see myself in it, I’m not nearly as old, but in years past I have felt just as neglected and even forgotten. I feel just as strong as I ever have, but I certainly have gone through some physical changes over the years. I wonder how many people have noticed that wall over the years. Or was it just taken for granted? I enjoy seeing it every day, it reminds me that even when we are not mindful of everything in our lives, they are there, constant and necessary. I guess things only have worth when we put a value on them. People are never just an aesthetic part of our lives, or at least I hope not. I look at Hollywood and the fashion industry and understand why they are for the most part so troubled and unhappy. The public only wants them for what they can do, or for their appearance. To me, it is sad to look at someone like Michael Jackson. To the outsider's limited view he had everything. He had fame, talent, and money, and he was considered one of the most recognized people on the planet. Yet with all that going for him, he was not happy. He was only a commodity, a logo that lined pockets with plenty of cash. It’s really sad if you think about it if you break it down into a very human perspective. This man brought nearly 50 years of enjoyment and entertainment to millions of people around the world, and I have to stop and wonder how much enjoyment he was afforded, or had to call his own. Who really knows the truth behind all the allegations…it’s not for me to judge. Michael is gone now, as you and I will someday be. I bet that the old stone wall will still be there, where it’s always been, constant. I sure hope someone notices it every once in a while, and even enjoys it.

Rainy Day

Another rainy day in New York, and maybe where you are too. We have a couple of choices to make. We can either let it get us down, or we can rise above it and see it for what it is. I have noticed how much the trees are changing and their leaves are being presented more and more every day. The rain has helped in that process, and it’s wonderful to see. Without the rain, I believe we would not appreciate the beautiful days ahead. Richard Nixon said in his farewell speech to the White House staff; “…because the greatness comes not when things go good for you, but the greatness comes and you are really tested, when you take some knocks, some disappointments, when sadness comes, because only if you have been in the deepest valley, can you know how magnificent it is to be on the highest mountain…” Let’s enjoy the rain when it comes, it has a purpose, if only to set up the beautiful things in store for us. The positive only outweighs the negative if we let it. It’s there for us to grasp, and enjoy today even if it rains. For tomorrow the sun will be shining all that much brighter, and we may forget the rain, even if it’s for just a little while.

The Heart...You Can't Beat It

I had the thought this morning that life is too short not to go with the leading of your heart. If you have love, stay with it...if you find love, run with it...and if you need love, extend yourself to love others, and it will come back to you. Have a wonderful day...and listen to your heart, you can't beat it!

Just Do It!

I apologize for the near silence from my end of the keyboard. You would think I would have a ton of things to say being I am at the happiest place in my life. I have my “V”, the love of my life and a great friend. I have made several health decisions that were a long time coming. I have finally made the move to lose some weight, and eat a healthier diet. Exercise is also on the menu these days…can you imagine? One other thing that has had a hold on me for a long time has finally been tossed by the wayside. The grip cigarettes have had on my life is being addressed as we speak by the grace of God, strong determination, and the NicoDerm CQ patch. If you are struggling with smoking, try the patch! If you don’t smoke, buy a box for someone that does and tell them it’s because you love them and you want them around while. So here I am, making strides to prolong a once pathetic life (In my mind only) I’m feeling good, and like I said before never happier. I hope you are doing the things in life that make you happy. Life is short my friends, enjoy every day as a gift. Enjoy the people you call friends and love deeper the ones you love. Give yourself a break also. Look for the things that you’ve always wanted to change in your life. Go to that place you’ve always wanted to go. Be the person you know you are inside, wear your heart on your sleeve, and smile no matter what’s going on. Have a great day…Just Do It!

Alive!

Back to the real world. Two weeks of the most incredible vacation time have come to an end for me. But, those days will be with me until my last breath is taken. I’ve spent so much time soul searching, and exploring so many different emotions over the past several months. The past 2 weeks have been the culmination of those many months of struggle. Love has been solidified, and I have been brought back to emotional life. For so many years I have been just surviving. I never believed that I would love again, let alone be loved by someone so incredible. I am truly a blessed man. So why am I writing this to you? Is it just to brag about my new love, or is there something for everyone here? The real story here is that many of us have been just surviving in this life. “Dead man walking” if you will. It took someone’s love to open my eyes to the quagmire my life had become. Where are you today? Are you really living your life despite your circumstances? Even if you are living the dream, are you sharing it with others that so desperately need someone like you? Obviously, it doesn’t have to be a new love. It can be anything that makes you feel alive. Are you feeling alive today?

8 Days With An Angel

The quiet was enough to make any sane man crazy. She has left a void in this place. A place, filled with her life and spirit, now dark with only the memories of her smile and laugh. I hate this place now, well maybe not this apartment, but being alone. I was content with the solitude I have been living for years. But now, I feel alone. I hate being lonely, it seems so weak. It is nice in a way to have somebody to miss. I hope she is missing me too. I’m not totally sure where I stand with her. Well, maybe I do under all the insecurity I have when it comes to love and relationships. I’m such a jerk sometimes, she is not even gone yet, sleeping in the other room, and I am feeling the pangs of loneliness, I’m missing her terribly. What am I going to do without her here with me? Can I go back to the day before her, can I really hold it together emotionally? I’m scared to death that she’s not feeling the same things I am. I’ve laid my heart out, I’m so afraid to have it shattered into a million pieces. It’s my fault, I’ve set myself up for a huge fall. When the hell am I going to grow up, when will I stop all this bullshit I do to myself? I really hate myself sometimes!

Tomorrow is the day she leaves for real. What a mess I’ll be at the airport I’m sure. I don’t want to spoil the time I have left. I can’t believe I’m acting this way…like a High School kid with raging hormones…Maybe I'm afraid there won't be more, maybe I won't be able to win her to fall in love with me...shit!

Well, I held it together at the airport. There was so much confusion that it took my mind off the fact that I would have to let go of her hand soon. I miss that hand that always reached for mine when we were driving somewhere, or walking the streets of New York City. Even when we were hanging out at home, we couldn’t keep our hands off each other. “Hugs & Kisses” is our mantra, we say it all the time and I love it!

Reality struck hard when I got home from the airport. For eight wonderful days we were as close as a whisper, and now coming home, she was gone. I walked around the apartment hoping that she was still there. But I could feel the life and light she brought with her from Michigan had left with her, It was too overwhelming…and I cried.
I was doing better until she called me from Detroit. I loved hearing her voice and knowing that her flight had arrived safely. I hated the geographical distance I could feel through the phone line. She called again later crying a bit and she told me she missed me. I missed her even more at that moment. Veronika is in my heart, and that is where it aches from the piece she took with her. I love her, I’m in love with her, and I have been for some time now. My eight days with an Angel made it clear that I need her and that I want her by my side.

The other day she was talking to some of her family back in Ukraine via Internet Skype. She asked me if I wanted to say hello. It felt so good to be included in her family time. When I sat down she introduced me by saying, “This is my Al.” That was so sweet and kind, it made me feel so on top of the world. There were so many moments like that over the eight days we had together. Memories last a lifetime. I know more times are coming, so many more times of tenderness, caring, and love. I know I must focus on the here and now, but I will most definitely have an eye on the future. I have never ached so badly for someone before. It is bittersweet to have a long-distance relationship. It’s good to have her in my life, but it is difficult to not be able to reach out to touch her, or look across the room and see her just being her beautiful self. My eight days with this Angel named Veronika, I believe is the beginning of a wondrous story yet to be written. We will write it together, my Veronika and I.

V

She came like a breeze to heal my brokenness She breaths life into my tired soul She stirs my imagination to dream big again She asks for nothing in return but simple love She is the springtime in my years of winters She has awakened my heart from its long hibernation She is the bridge that frees me from my silent isolation She is the cool water that satisfies my deep thirst. She is the sunshine that warms my day She is the fullness of the moon in my midnight sky She brings light to my innermost darkness She is the balance in my hectic, and unforgiving world She has the natural appearance of an angel She brings humor on her wings She carries herself with the grace of royalty She is the calm within my raging storm

Hero

I had a hero growing up. His name is Jim “Catfish” Hunter. He was a pitcher for the Oakland A’s in the late ’60s and early ’70s. There was just something about him that was so cool. He was a great pitcher, but there was something more about him that I just couldn’t explain. The odd thing was, I was a diehard New York Yankees fan and he played in California. Of course, I had his pictures on my wall everywhere, to honor my boyhood idol. I would hear him interviewed on TV after a big game and he seemed like such a simple man really. Not the hero type I guess, but he was mine just the same.

Then in 1975, he joined my beloved Yankees. I could have died then and gone to Heaven, at least I felt like I was halfway there. More pictures went up on my wall. Now in Yankee pinstripes, all was perfect in my baseball world. He lead the American League that year with 23 wins, and he completed 30 games
It’s unheard of today, pitchers are lucky if they throw five innings let alone nine innings in a defeat.
I was a pitcher myself in High School, and I tried to do everything he did. I bought a Wilson A-2000 glove, I wore Puma Baseball spikes and even chewed tobacco wrapped in bubble gum because he did. I would have grown a big bushy mustache just like his if it wasn’t for the peach fuzz I had at the time. My Dad even called me “Sonfish” because I tried to be so much like “Catfish”

One day in 1978, I was reading the local Penny Saver flyer, which listed different bargains and such. As I turned the page my heart stopped beating with an advertisement for a local sports footwear store.
“GRAND OPENING! Saturday, July 15th Help Us Celebrate! Free Autographed Pictures of “Catfish” Will Be Given Away. New York Yankee Pitcher Jim “Catfish” Hunter In Person.” (I still have the Ad) It was three days away, how would I make it that long of a wait to see him? I was so excited, I don’t remember doing anything but waiting to meet “Catfish.” When the day came I got there early. My dad drove me to the Mall, and we were some of the first ones to be online. I was actually going to meet my idol, the biggest, and most important person in my life besides my dad. While I was waiting, I stared straight ahead for the first glimpse of him coming out of the back room. I felt a hand on my shoulder as someone was passing by. Oh My God! It was him, with that big smile, and a kind looks in his eyes. He actually looked like he was happy to be there. At that point I don’t know if I was breathing, he was bigger than life and standing that close to me. He sat down at a table in the store, and I couldn’t take my eyes off him.

When it was my turn to step up to the table, a thought came to my mind, “what should I call him?” As I stood in front of him he reached out his hand to me and said “Hi, I’m “Catfish” Hunter, what’s your name?” I introduced myself and told him what an honor it was to meet him. He smiled and said it was his pleasure to meet me. Can you imagine that The man that I so put on the highest pedestal ever said it was his pleasure to meet me? I brought a couple of baseballs for him to sign, and he signed a picture for me. As he was signing, I told him that I was a huge fan (a total understatement) and that I was a pitcher in High School, and to pay tribute to him, my Dad called me “Sunfish” He wore #29 on his uniform, and I wore #19 because I was not worthy to wear his # 29. He got the biggest smile on his face and laughed. I could tell he was honored and not laughing at me. He asked if my father was there. I pointed to a dad standing off to the side, allowing me to have my moment. He waved and smiled at dad.

Sometimes we meet celebrities that we look up to or maybe even admire, and are disappointed by the people they really are. I have to say that “Catfish” surpassed what I thought of him before, and I had a deeper admiration for him after I met him. He even took the time to show me how he held his fastball and curve. I was in awe and threw my pitches the same way from that day on.

“Catfish” retired on September 17, 1979, and the Yankees said Thank you and Farewell to him at Yankee Stadium. In 1987, he was inducted into Baseball’s Hall of Fame in Cooperstown, NY. I wanted to be there that day, but regrettably, I couldn’t go to pay tribute to my hero.
Less than a year later he was diagnosed with ALS, a disease named after a fellow Yankee great Lou Gehrig.
It was so difficult for me to see this man waste away from such a horrible disease. Near the end of his life, he lost all use of his arms. The hands that pitched No-Hitters, World Series games, and even reached out to shake my hand, were now just dangling at his sides, never to sign another autograph or wave to his adoring fans. “Catfish” left this world on September 9, 1999, I cried when I heard of his passing. But as long as I live, I will carry that day I met the great James Augustus “Catfish” Hunter. It is burned into my memory where he is alive, healthy, waving, and smiling that welcoming smile. Thank you, Sir, until we meet again.

Yankee Stadium

When I was a small boy my dad used to take me to Yankee Stadium. I can remember on many occasions, out of the blue he would say “Let’s go down to Yankee Stadium” I would get so excited and run around in circles until it was time to hop in the car and head to the Bronx. I was fortunate to be able to see Mickey Mantle play. Maybe it was towards the end of his career, but it was still MICKEY MANTLE! I remember he would play first base, no longer able to roam center field due to his bad knees. Bad knees or not, he would trot out to first base every half inning to standing ovations. What memories do I have of that old Stadium? Three monuments used to stand out on the playing field in those days. Miller Huggins, Babe Ruth, and Lou Gehrig, I thought were buried out there which made it hallowed ground. They were not buried there, but it turns out so many others thought the same thing. So many great memories in “The House that Ruth Built” was all spent with my dad. He passed along his love of Baseball, and his love of the Yankees that he still has today. I remember the ornate façade that adorned the very top of the stadium and made its way from end to end. The old pictures of Babe Ruth, Lou Gehrig, and other past greats used to have the façade in the background. I would think when I went to the Stadium myself, Babe Ruth used to look at that same façade. How cool is that!?! In 1976 the newly renovated Yankee Stadium opened on the footprint of the old structure. It was nice, but it was not the place I remembered “The Mick” playing in. And the façade was gone, relegated to an area above the bleacher seats from left field to right field. What a major disappointment. A part of my childhood was gone forever. I guess that’s why I never liked this new stadium the Yankees were calling home. Yes, it was Yankee Stadium, but not my Yankee Stadium. Many great things happened there, I saw Jim “Catfish” Hunter pitch there and all the amazing championships. My dad had not gone to the renovated stadium. I was fortunate to bring him last season to a game before they closed the gates for good. The last time we went to a game I was a kid, and now I am bringing him to a game. It’s amazing how things change with time. More than anything, I enjoyed watching him enjoying himself. We got there early so we could tour Monument Park. Dad was like a kid, smiling from ear to ear as he read the inscriptions and dedications to past players and various dignitaries. During the game, dad clapped to root the Yanks on and yelled CHARGE when the organist and the message board summoned us to. The whole time he was smiling, soaking up every bit of the experience. I’m so thankful to have that memory. It will be even more profound someday when life does what it does and dad is no longer here. Until then, I am grateful to have made that memory now. So now that stadium is closed, and in its shadow, a brand new stadium has been erected. I had the great fortune to tour the New Yankee Stadium on Saturday, March 21, 2009, thanks to a friend of mine Bill. Bill coached a young man named John a few years back. John now works in the Yankees ticket office. He gave us a guided tour of the new facilities. I had heard that the Yankees wanted to make the new place as much like the original stadium as possible. As I walked out to see the field, my eyes caught something beautiful. The façade is back!!! All around the top of the stadium just like I remember as a kid. What a thrill. I couldn’t help but think of Mickey, The Babe, and the Iron Man, Lou Gehrig. I was a kid again. I felt like I was transported back in time, to a very sweet time in my life. I hope I will be able to bring dad there. I need to share it with him to complete the circle. It may be a small thing to some. But the Yankees have given back a piece of my childhood. I guess we shouldn’t live in our memories, but boy it’s sweet to visit from time to time.

Spring

Spring is in the air, a heavenly breath from above and beyond Winter gives way to the flowers and buds that wait to come alive The changing of seasons, like our lives in many ways Beckon us to join the cycle of renewal and rebirth. The long struggle of winter caused us to lull into a darkened slumber Awakened by the first sight of spring birds and blossoms Our spirits soar with the thermometer climb Our lungs fill with the freshness of moist air. Winter leaves us with the swiftness of sunset The sunrise carries a dreamlike melody our soul has longed to sing We shed the comfort of our seasonal cocoon To bask in the warmth of spring’s annual light and beauty. We hearken to the peeper’s song to announce the advent of spring The heart yields itself to the external stimulus The sights and sounds of the new dawn help us believe Spring is here, and our entire being rejoices.

Another Day

Regardless of the weather outside, the brightest and warmest day starts in your heart. Be kind to yourself and others today, smile a lot and enjoy the things you have, strive toward the things you want. Only you can get in your way today. So step aside, allow yourself to be free to love and live. Count every breath as the gift it is, and be thankful for another day.

I Care For You

Wherever you find yourself today On the highest mountain or in the lowest valley In the darkest night or brightest sunlight With a warm smile or welling tears Remember this, my dear friend, I care for you.

Now

Yesterday gave way to today, and today will fade to tomorrow The passage of time moves quickly as we live and breathe at the moment We wait for tomorrow at the expense of today’s issues Yesterday has left us forever, and all we have is now The passage of time is not such a bad thing Even though yesterday had its fill of hardships The passage of time can heal them all Time makes us free to live again in the now Time is a man-made tool that holds us to itself We live according to its dictates We die by its passage All we ever really have is now. Yesterday's lessons have brought today’s wisdom We love with the knowledge gained in the past We participate in life’s dance to our fullest Because all we have when all is said and done is now

Legacy

We never know what we have until it’s gone. We’ve all heard that hundreds of times. It could be our health, a relationship, or anything else in our lives that have meaning. I was recently hit with some sort of flu and boy it threw me for a loop. It’s amazing how much it can incapacitate you, leaving you at its mercy. I kept thinking about how unproductive I was, but there was nothing I could do about it. I learned a good lesson. I take life for granted when everything is fine and going my way. I’ve learned that it can all be gone with one illness. One day all of us will face the end of our lives. Maybe it will come through a long illness, or maybe it will be sudden. I don’t want to just sit around and wait for that day, I want to live life to the fullest. What does that actually mean? We all say it, but how do we do it? For some, it could mean skydiving or some sort of activity. To others, it could mean finding the love of their lives. I just want to leave something behind. I don’t have any children so I don’t have that legacy. So what kind of legacy can I leave the world when it’s my time to go? I hope I have been good to my friends and family. I hope the things I have learned in this life have been used to help others and not just for my own selfishness. I am not trying to be maudlin here, I do think about these things from time to time. I think it is healthy to think about our mark, our legacy. But the danger of thinking about it too much is to obsess about it and not do anything about it. So it all comes down to taking our life lessons and sharing them with those around us. As insignificant as they may seem, somebody may need to hear it. Be the best person you can be. Learn about things you were always interested in, but never took the time to really delve into. Share your experiences, and invest in the lives of your kids, friends, and family members. Extend yourself to the people you see every day. Maybe it’s the people you work with or the counter person at Starbucks. Don’t be afraid to extend yourself. It may seem awkward at first, but it will become routine behavior over time. You will feel better about yourself, and you will bring some sunshine to someone else. It’s a good start to living life to the fullest. Trust me, it won’t stop there.

Sick

I’m feeling sick today I wish I could rise above it running a fever Thank goodness I have ginger ale Everything looks dark when you’re sick The weather is not helping I move from the bedroom to the sofa I am such a lump today I hope there’s something good on TV I need the mindless entertainment I have to feel better tomorrow Or I’ll have to grin and bear it. I’m such a baby when I’m sick So don’t listen to my complaining I have all I need to get me through I’ll be fine, after all, it’s just a cold

Don't Anticipate...Ride!

Just before dawn, I awake to a new day with new possibilities. I wonder what this new day will bring. Did I get enough sleep, and am I rested enough to psychologically meet the challenges of the day? Can you ever get enough sleep for that? Today is Friday, one day to go until the weekend. Actually, isn’t Friday part of the weekend? When did life become so complicated that I need to be looking ahead at the day and wonder if I am ready for it? Gosh, I can remember being a kid and thinking one day ran into the other only to be separated by a few hours of sleep. Is this what happens when we get older? As far as I can tell, days are still 24 hours long. Maybe it’s because I never wore a watch when I was a kid, and today it seems like time is wearing me. There is an expression that says; “Don’t anticipate, participate.” I’m going to work on that one today. I want to find some new ways to participate. Life is too fleeting not to. Don’t you think? What about you, will life be a ride today, or will you allow yourself to be dragged through it? I think I’m going for a ride, check that, I am going for a ride…wanna go?

Ready To Fly

I look into my soul I see darkness and light Sometimes I like who I am inside And sometimes I loathe who lives there. I think I am playing a game sometimes But then again, life can make us doubt I want to play like a child In this world of mature expectations I want my life to be perfect and right But I do nothing to help that along The freedom of my soul stands at the door I hope I have the strength to open it I want to soar as an effortless eagle Something inside has to take wing and fly Am I fooling myself, is it a cruel joke Or is it within my grasp, my destiny The price of the pain has bought fruit Shaping and clarifying the gem within me I would not willingly walk that path again I am wearing the wisdom gathered along the way I am learning to walk again, not paralyzed by fear It feels as if it is my first attempt at living Unhindered by the chains I wore for so long I am finally content with who I have become.

Walls

Many people, including me, have built walls around our hearts. Too many things in my life have caused me to protect myself from unseen enemies, waiting to destroy who I really am on the inside. But, recently, I have been on a quest to tear down those walls and breathe the fresh air on the other side. So much of my energy has been spent building and maintaining that stupid wall. It’s been all I’ve known for the past fifteen-plus years. But as much of a way of life it had become, it was choking the very life, and happiness right out of me. Recently through events in my life, I have had to make some drastic choices to live, breathe, and love again. There have been people that have come into my life, that have caused me to rethink the way I have been living or should I say slowly dying daily. Many people have been sent into my life, and without me knowing, started to chip away at that wall. A significant portion of my wall is gone, chipped away by those around me that have come to me with the hammer of friendship, and the chisel of love. I feel that I should be scared, but I feel somehow anesthetized from the pain, by their acceptance of me. I have come a long way in a short amount of time. I would have never been able to write my thoughts down, and certainly not for others to see. I feel a freedom that I have never felt in my life. I write this today not just for me and my health. But maybe someone out there is struggling with some of the same things. Maybe you have to build a wall around your heart to protect what you think is all you have left after some devastating events in your life. Maybe you were hurt by a failed marriage, the loss of a loved one, or something else just as significant. The wall is killing you, and it is robbing you of the very gift you have to give to others, your life. If you feel that this speaking to you, I hope you will take the first step toward dismantling your wall. First, you must recognize that you have been living this way. Next, you must say to yourself that you refuse to live this way any longer. Seek professional help if you need it. There is no shame in that. Trust your close friends, let them love you, and love them back. But, the most important step is to forgive yourself. Allow the walls to come tumbling down. They will, and you will enjoy the fresh air.

Candles

Friend: (noun) “one attached to another by affection or esteem” A friend is someone you can count on. You know they will always be there for you. By the very definition, someone that is “attached to another by affection or esteem” says to me that a real friend is so much deeper than we think. I have some friends that have been in my life for forty-plus years. I have some from High School that has been there all along, and some that I have recently reconnected with that have augmented my life. I have so many good people that I am fortunate to call a friend. I was encouraged by a friend to start writing. I was never a writer and certainly didn’t pay attention in English class. But my point is that it was the encouragement of a friend that caused me to even entertain the thought of putting pen to paper, or the modern counterpoint, digits to keys. Writing has become extremely therapeutic for me. I guess I never would have found this outlet unless my friend cared enough to encourage me to stretch myself beyond my limited sight line. Many of my friends have caused me to be a better person just by the people they are. I am prone to self-doubt and even depression. What has helped me tremendously is the thought that my life is not just my own, but I also live my life for others around me. I feel that I owe the best of me to friends that have invested in my life. It gives me purpose and meaning to get out of bed every day and take on whatever life brings. I wonder if I have been that type of friend to someone. I wonder if I have been to someone the very thing that I have needed and received from others? I am constantly re-examining myself, maybe too much sometimes. I just want to be someone that I have found in my friends. I guess what I want to be is a true friend. I want to be that person in someone’s life that encourages them to rise above their situations and pain. And, I want to be there to celebrate the triumphs too. I love to rejoice with people that have good news to share, as well as a hug when times get tough. My hope is to be who you need me to be, a true friend. I also hope that you will strive to be that person to someone. I have found that reaching into someone else’s life takes the spotlight off ourselves, and gives us breathing room and perspective, and the clarity to see the things we are wrestling with. We all have struggles, it’s part of life. We owe it to ourselves and others, to be honest, and transparent. There is no reason we can’t bring our dark secrets out, and expose them into the light of friendship. In the battle of dark and light, even a small candle will disperse the darkness. Are we attached enough to light each other’s candle…I hope so.

All We Need

A look can send us running A look will draw us near A look can cause our hearts to soar A look can be all we need A smile can make or break a day A smile is a heart saying hello A smile can make us feel wanted A smile can be all we need A hug can take our pain away A hug will let someone know you care A hug is an expression of love A hug can be all we need A word will set us on the right path A word can bring us to our knees A word can endear us to one another A word can be all we need A touch makes us feel important A touch can lead us on A touch can bring healing A touch can be all we need

Friend

As you wake and meet your day Think of good things along the way If you’re feeling down and blue Know I’m here and care for you When the rains of life must come Call my name I will take some And when your life is feeling bright Call me friend and share the light If you ever need a friend Know I’m one you can depend on When you’re happy and want to share I’ll embrace you, and show I care When your life is full of fear Know I always will be here If you’re lonely and need to cry Call my name I will reply If you feel a bit unsteady Know that I am on the ready When it seems like it’s the end Know I love you, my dear friend

Waiting for Snow

It’s not here yet but I’m waiting for the snow just how much will accumulate I have no way to know. When the snow does come a plow I’m sure to drive but for now, I just keep waiting for that snow storm to arrive. They say it might just drop a ton that’s alright with me as long as we get something I’ll have to wait and see. Some will be happy while others will be sad those of us that drive a plow hope it’s the most we’ve ever had In the morning I’ll be working to remove the very last flake long before the alarm goes off to summon you awake. So I’m still waiting for the coming snow they’re anticipating quite a storm I hope you will be in a place that’s loving, safe, and warm.