Dancing in the Blue Light

My wife Veronika and I took the Metro-North train from our sleepy suburb of Chappaqua to the one-of-a-kind hustling and bustling energy of New York City. It was the ninth anniversary of the terrorist attacks on the World Trade Center, and we wanted to experience firsthand the twin beams of blue lights pointing to the Heavens, emanating from where the Twin Towers once stood. We arrived at Grand Central Station around 4:44 PM and made our way on foot to the Garment District. Veronika checked out some of the craft stores while I waited outside. I was people-watching and chomping on a fine Punch cigar. There is no place like New York City to people-watch or just take in the sites. Veronika bought a few things, and then we made our way to the subway for our trip Downtown. Arriving in Lower Manhattan, I could sense the somberness of the day. As always it was touristy, but there was a reverence of sorts in the air. Maybe it was just me allowing the feelings of 9/11 I carry every day to have a little more breathing room today. I recall some of the sights and smells from back in 2001, a few days after the collapse of the towers when I had the privilege to help out in the recovery efforts. I played a very small role, but it was a profound time for me, and the proudest I have ever felt to be an American. I will never forget that time, along with the sights, sounds, and smells of the terrible tragedy as long as I live. Veronika suggested that we walk the Brooklyn Bridge to view Lower Manhattan from across the East River. I had never walked the historic bridge, so I thought it would be interesting. To be honest, I did think about all the walking involved when we got halfway over the bridge and could see our riverside destination, the Brooklyn Bridge Park. The park seemed like it was five miles away and a mile and a half below the bridge. The trek was not as bad as I thought. In no time at all the bridge was behind us, and we were enjoying the beauty of Brooklyn’s well-maintained park. We decided to have dinner at a little romantic place near the park. We had a little time to kill until there was enough darkness to support the Ground Zero lights. The night was the perfect canvas for the beautiful Manhattan skyline, and the defiant blue rays of light piercing the darkness were magnificent. It was an awesome perspective from Brooklyn, my wife had chosen the perfect place. I was a bit weepy all day, as I am every year on this day. I even had tears in my eyes on the train into the city, recalling September 11, 2001, and trying not to anticipate the day ahead. I had seen the lights before, on many occasions in fact, but it was always from 30 miles away in my comfortable Westchester County setting far removed from the true emotion and drama. I resigned myself to wholeheartedly participate and not anticipate anything this day of remembrance would hold for me. I wanted to absorb everything, and open myself to the lessons this tragic event had to teach me about myself, and what I believe deep in my heart. As we were walking halfway back on the Brooklyn Bridge, I noticed objects floating and sparkling by the thousands in the blue columns of light. Still too far away to make out what these objects could be, we continued towards the source of light, the focal point of our journey. The closer to Ground Zero we traveled, it seemed the soaring objects grew in their numbers. I engaged a few people along the way as to what they thought these “things” could be. One man with a professional-looking camera on a tripod said he thought they were moths at first, but then retracted his statement realizing there was no way moths were that big or could be seen from the Brooklyn Bridge with the naked eye. As we approached Ground Zero, there was a crowd gathered taking pictures of the lights, and the amazing illuminated objects floating overhead. A book I read some time ago by Squire Rushnell called “When God Winks at You” came to my mind as I stared into the blue lights. The premise of the book was that God gives us what Squire calls “God Winks” from time to time just to let us know He’s here. Now I am not saying these objects were Angels or the lost souls of those that perished there nine years ago. But the very fact that they were there caused me to think of that hallowed ground differently, and even in a more heavenly-minded way. For all I know it was just sheets of paper floating around in the wind currents, illuminated by the brilliant lights, that will be picked up for trash when their flight has ended. I choose to see more to it, to see something bigger at work, or maybe even someone. What I do know for sure, it was breathtaking to see and experience firsthand. Maybe that’s what a “God Wink” is all about. An experience that causes us to see something deeper, with more clarity, and it allows us to stand in awe of something beautiful. I still don’t know for sure what was in the lights that night. I cherish the excitement I felt watching the beauty of it unfold amid a painful and tragic reminder. Maybe every cloud does have a silver lining, or maybe sometimes the lining is a beautiful blue.

The Captain, The Voice, & The Boss

Recently, I watched the episode of The Discovery Channel “Deadliest Catch” where Captain Phil Harris of the Fishing Vessel Cornelia Marie succumbed to a massive stroke. I cried my eyes out. There was so much humanity being played out in what was supposed to be just another one of those reality shows. It was real alright. I did not know this man personally, but I watched the show pretty regularly, following the craziness that comes with a bunch of tough men risking their very lives to haul in hundreds of thousands of Opilio crab native to the unforgiving, and frigid waters of the Bering Sea. The paycheck is pretty hefty but is it worth risking your life. Obviously to these men it is. Phil Harris was a foul-mouthed Sea Captain that took the lives and safety of his crew very seriously. His sons Jake and Josh were among the crew of the Cornelia Marie. He said on many occasions how grateful he was to spend the time with his sons doing what he loved. I admired his deep love for his sons, and the passion for life Phil possessed. Captain Phil Harris set sail for the last time on February 9, 2010, at the age of 53. Recently we lost two very important people to many of us that have followed Baseball all our lives, especially Yankee Baseball. Bob Sheppard was the Yankee Stadium Public Address Announcer for 56 years. He had earned the nickname “The Voice of God” for his clear and concise delivery, and perfect pronunciation of some of the most difficult of names in the game. His voice is the only voice many of us remember from our childhood, while in awe of “The House that Ruth Built”. That voice in many ways was more important than the team that took the field. That voice welcomed everyone before the game, kept us informed throughout the game, and bid us a safe ride home at the end of the game. You could hear the history in that voice, the echoed voice that announced players like Joe DiMaggio, Mickey Mantle, Derek Jeter, and everyone in between. On July 11, 2010, at the age of 99, The Voice fell silent. George M. Steinbrenner III became the New York Yankees Principal Owner in 1973. He took the baseball world by storm with his Cleveland shipbuilding style work ethic that was loved by some and hated by others. As hard as he was, there was a very soft side to him that we were able to see from time to time. Ask former players like Dwight Gooden and Darryl Strawberry what kind of man George Steinbrenner was. He invested plenty of money in these two men that had the potential to be great and were at times. But he would probably never see the full return of his investment. But he believed in them like a father who had an investment of love for his sons. Other stories of The Boss’s charitable nature have come to light since his passing on July 13, 2010, nine days after his 80th Birthday. He was a well-respected Baseball man around the league. Kind words came from all over the Baseball world at his passing, a testament to his commitment to excellence on and off the field. Like us, none of these men were perfect. Cracks and faults riddled their celebrated lives. Some are seen by the public’s eyes, others hidden and controlled in the deep recesses of their souls. Maybe that’s why we follow celebrities, we see a bit of ourselves in them, or wish we could do what they do. Do we mourn their passing because of its reminder of our own mortality? Or maybe the people we allow to be celebrities in our life take a piece out of us when they go. Maybe that is what the human experience is all about, seeing ourselves in each other, warts and all, and respecting who we are as well as respecting others for who and what they are. Obviously, there is a connection to those we’ve never met. They have touched us somehow, and we are reminded that in some way there is a common connection that binds us. We see the greatness as well as the failures and weakness that are all part of human potential and experience. To be “The Captain” of your own life. Navigate life’s waters with your eyes wide open, mindful of the dangers but enjoying the ride wherever the waters may take you. Use “The Voice” to tell those around you how much you care and how much they mean to you. Be “The Boss“, call the shots, but don’t ever forget to listen to your heart. Being “The Boss” doesn’t mean that every decision has to be calculated or practical. Take some risks now and then. At the end of your days, you might just be glad you did.

A Year Down The Road

A year down the road of life together you and me.
So many things to experience and left for us to see
I can’t believe how quickly the time has really passed
Or how happy and blessed I am at last.

I am grateful for the laughter and even the tears
It means we are together and will be for years
I feel I have known you much longer than it seems
For you truly have been the girl of all my dreams

So today I say with conviction and feeling
You have brought joy, and love that sets my heart reeling
And now is a milestone in our incredible life
You are my lover, my best friend, my beautiful wife

URGE

I can feel the torment from within as I fight the urge that tries to justify the lighting of a cigarette. For far too long nicotine has had free reign to travel my veins and arteries unfettered. Well from now on the journey is over, No more will I be a slave to the poison that robs my health and takes my years or the precious moments off the tail end of my life. I am no longer willing to forfeit one second to a killer. Too much may be just around the corner to allow a cigarette to hinder. I have so much to live for, and every precious second I have is a gift to be enjoyed and breathed in at full lung capacity. I have to make a confession. I have replaced one addiction with another. Like so many people that struggle with addictions, I have willingly put aside nicotine for the euphoric endorphins that course through my body after a good sweaty workout at the Gym. I guess it could be worst, I could fill the void of smoking with chocolate or some other fat-promoting agent. I guess if I had to quit the Gym “Cold Turkey” it wouldn’t be so difficult? A couple of months behind the habit now and I am feeling great. I still have the urge sometimes, but thankfully the will to be healthy for the rest of my life strongly outweighs any lie that I need the nicotine. I’m not really sure of the date I quit, I refuse to give the habit the dignity of being remembered with milestones before or after. It became the enemy within, working to destroy the gift of life I was given. The sad thing is I invited it in. So now the invitation has been revoked…and it’s off to the Gym I go!

Masterpiece

Life is a vast array of colors, some dark and seemingly lifeless, while others are too beautiful to adequately describe. The light must have the dark to bring forth its illuminating brilliance. All colors have their place of importance, in the ongoing masterpiece of who we are, and who we will become. The contrast’s set the tone of our personality and character. We must not be afraid to let dark colors permeate our canvas. Opportunity will always lend itself to highlight it and make it work for us. At times, we may only see the darkness, and our canvas looks bleak. Train yourself to accept the darkness, see what it has to offer, and where it will take you on your journey of discovery and growth. Then, fill your pallet with bright rich colors and enjoy the brush strokes of freedom you will experience. Your heart and soul are the receiving canvas, clean, white, and stretched to fit only you. The stretching may hurt at first, but keep pressing forward. You will in time grow into the new skin and find it comforting. Remember, at the beginning of any masterpiece, you may look at all the colors that are being blocked in, and say what a mess, this could never become anything beautiful. In the time it will all come together, it will be revealed and make sense. We will come to realize that is the process of life that is the masterpiece, full of color, experience, and love. The finished product is our completed canvas, passed along to those around us hopefully becoming blocking colors in their masterpiece.

Night Stroll

Night strolling as the snow dances all around us in the muted light of the street lamps. The trees that line the street bow to meet us from the weight of the heavy snowfall. Tonight is a night to enjoy the snow in all its brilliant beauty. Tomorrow it will become work, plowing and packing it aside to make room for another round, another storm. There is such a calm, a quiet solitude that fills the air and my mind. Tonight is a night to live in the now and to just enjoy the beauty of the moment. The Earth seems new and refreshed with a fluffy white blanket covering her flaws. Somehow I feel it too, rejuvenated and cleansed with every breath of cold, crisp air. I needed this night, to walk, and to think of nothing but the snow and my wife’s hand in mine. My mind remembers all the snowballs I’ve made throughout the years as I grab a new handful to load up and fire at an unsuspecting road sign. What is it about snow that can make you feel like a kid again, and yet when you shovel it, you are reminded of just how long ago your childhood was. Well for tonight anyway, I am enjoying the snow and every memory that floats gently and silently with every flake.

Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

Mention the name Martin Luther King Jr. and you evoke different emotions in the hearts of those that lived through his times, and remember what he lived and died for. For me, he was a hero, and like many of our heroes, he was not a perfect man. He did however possess courage, the courage to stand before the world and peacefully proclaim equality for all people. He was a civil rights leader, but unlike many of today’s so-called “leaders”, he stood for everyone who was downtrodden regardless of race. The world is a better place because Dr. King lived and lent his voice to the voiceless, and provided us a living example, of peacefully righting the wrongs of racial injustice. I remember being a small boy and hearing the words of his “I have a dream” speech. What stood out for me was his challenge to us all to judge each other by the content of our character, and not our skin's melanin content that ironically covers identical bones and organs. As believers in anything, we fail and fall along the way. But if we truly believe in our cause, we get up, dust ourselves off, and continue on our course. Dr. King believed with his life, that he is our shining example to pursue and follow our big dreams. I hope his words and what he stood for the ring in our ears every day, and not just because we have his birthday off as a Holiday. He spoke to all of us, do we have the heart to keep his dream alive, and truly be free within ourselves to dream with our eyes wide open.